abelcar

Comedian Abel Jaramillo returns to the show to discuss an incident that happened in his early 20’s that involved him hitting a pedestrian on the freeway, a dead body, and him having to eventually turn himself in to the authorities. Listen during Happy Hour to hear the entire, crazy story.  In Stupid/Drunken News we meet a Maryland man who had a four hour standoff with police after someone took a bite of his sandwich, and as always, Sam and Matt review the beers on What’s On Tap.

Plus, Matt Says A Movie Thing, and our first Dead Celebrity of 2017 is revealed!

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For more information on Steve Austin’s Broken Skull IPA, go to http://elsegundobrewing.com/

For more information on Oaklore Brown Ale, head over to http://www.evansbrewco.com/

Subscribe to us on ITUNES and RATE AND REVIEW US!

mattaccident

Sam and Matt return from their winter break to discuss Matt’s recent car troubles during Happy Hour. Anheuser-Busch and Keurig team up to try and create a “Beerig” in Stupid/Drunken News. And of course, our favorite part of every show, What’s On Tap, where we review beer and spirits for your listening, and our tasting, pleasure. This episode, I review Snowshoe Brewing’s Lodgepole IPA, while Matt reviews Johnnie Walker Red.

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For more information on Snowshoe Brewing’s Lodgepole IPA go to www.SnowshoeBrewing.com

For more information on Johnnie Walker Red, head over to www.JohnnieWalker.com

Subscribe to us on ITUNES and RATE AND REVIEW US!

 

 

untitled-hatesgiving

The tradition is officially a tradition! Sam and Matt are back to discuss all of the things they hate for 2016 in their 2nd annual Hatesgiving Day Parade! What returning television show has Matt up in arms? A certain tire company has raised Sam’s ire. And why DO people feel compelled to knock on the bathroom door when it is closed and the light is on, anyway?

We also review Imperial Coffee and Cigarettes Porter from Cellarmaker Brewing Company out of San Francisco, California and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ale by New Belgium Brewing from Fort Collins, Colorado.

Stupid/Drunken News takes us to Florida (shocking) where a man missed the toilet at a 7-Eleven and urinated in the beer refrigerator, instead.

Plus, Matt Says A Movie Thing!

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For more information on Cellermaker’s Imperial Coffee and Cigarettes Porter, go to www.cellarmakerbrewing.com

For more information on Fort Collins’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ale, head over to http://www.newbelgium.com/

Subscribe to us on ITUNES and RATE AND REVIEW US!

 

 

 

cullen

Sam and Matt review beer from Sierra Nevada out of Chico, California and Rogue Ales from Newport, Oregon. Sam’s worlds collide as his OTHER podcast host, Chris Cullen, joins us for “Happy Hour” to discuss his show, “Perfectville”, being a part of radio history with Dan LeBatard during the “Tim Hardaway Incident”, performing Improv comedy and his role as a “Thrillcaster” for Carowinds Theme Parks.

And in “Stupid/Drunken News”, a German man gets in trouble with the law after beating the crap out of another man’s rear end with an 11″ sausage…

Plus, Matt Says A Movie Thing!

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For more information on Sierra Nevada’s Celebration Ale, visit: http://www.sierranevada.com/beer/seasonal/celebration-ale

For more information on Rogue Ales visit: http://www.rogue.com/rogue_beer/voodoo-doughnut-grape-guerrilla/

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presidents

The next President Of The United States will be elected on November 8th. But given the choices, Matt Somerville and Sam Marcoux figured it was best to give their audience a TRUE third option. The boys run down what they would do if they were President. Everything from exploding cars, to healthy junk food and finally getting their hover boards that movies promised to them in their childhood, Sam and Matt right the nation’s wrongs. Or at least, they give themselves stuff that they want.

Plus, a man gets a DUI while driving a bar stool. Yep, you read that right.

We officially introduce a new segment called, “Matt Says A Movie Thing”, and of course, BEER REVIEWS!

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For more information on Anderson Valley’s Summer Solstice, visit: https://avbc.com/our-beers/summer-solstice/

For more information on Gordon Biersch’s Chum Red Ale, visit: http://www.gordonbierschbrewing.com/styles/chum/

Subscribe to us on ITUNES and RATE AND REVIEW US!

 

 

 

davidlewpd

Comedian David Lew joins the show to talk about his decade long run in stand-up comedy, his never ending fight against cancer, and how getting scammed out of $80, was the best money he ever spent. David suffers from a rare type of cancer that isn’t curable. Having been diagnosed officially in 2014, David discusses how he was unofficially told he had it in 2012 and why he did nothing about it, at the time.

Support David Lew by going to his website: http://www.DavidLew.net and you can buy tickets to his headlining weekend at Tommy T’s in Rancho Cordova by going to www.TommysRancho.com

Plus, Matt returns to the show to review Three Philosophers by Brewery Ommegang out of Cooperstown, New York. Meanwhile Sam reviews Frucht Blueberry by Bruery Terreux, out of Orange County, California. Matt also debuts a new segment, cleverly called, “Matt Says A Movie Thing” where he recommends a movie for your viewing pleasure each week.

And of course…Stupid/Drunken News brings us to New Mexico where a man is caught by the cops after trying to steal doughnuts…shocking.

 

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For more information on Brewery Ommegang, visit: www.Ommegang.com

For more information on Bruery Terreux, visit: www.brueryterreux.com/

Subscribe to us on ITUNES and RATE AND REVIEW US!

 

 

 

pd-steph-garcia

Predictably Drunk is back! Season three of the popular podcast kicks off with a familiar face as Comedian and Reality TV Star, Steph Garcia re-joins the show to talk about her new show on The Food Network, Worst Bakers In America, (debuting Sunday, October 2nd), her big show at the Roseville Theatre on Saturday, October 15th and why she has decided to quit Facebook for good.

Plus, Sam reviews a beer from Strike Brewing in San Jose, California and stupid/drunken news takes us to Florida (shocking).

For tickets to Steph’s show at the Roseville Theatre: Comedy Night Tickets

For more information on Worst Bakers In America, go to: http://www.foodnetwork.com/shows/worst-bakers-in-america.html

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For more information on Strike Brewing Company, visit: http://www.strikebrewingco.com/

Subscribe to us on ITUNES and RATE AND REVIEW US!

 

 

sillygoose

Noah Gain from the “Shane & Gain Podcast” sits down with Sam at Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco to discuss Noah’s start in comedy, his infertility discovery and the green room faux pas that caused him to get the nickname, “D’Angelo”. Plus, Jeff Koenig delivers awful  pick up lines and both he and Noah reveal how they are victims of a fellow comedian.

Plus, Matt re-joins the show to discuss his newborn son, what his first drink was after the birth and why drinking beer has become more difficult after having a child.

Additionally, we review Deschutes Brewery’s  Black Butte Porter, as well as Anheuser-Busch’s Bud Light Chelada.

And in Stupid/Drunken news, we find out what cities in the United States, are the most drunk.

Follow the show on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk, as well as Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast and check out our website www.predictablydrunk.com

Subscribe to the podcast on Itunes and Stitcher Radio and be sure to RATE AND REVIEW!

Follow Noah Gain on Twitter @Noah_Gain and check out his podcast, “Shane & Gain”.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy.

 

 

 

tommylama2

The Tommy Lama joins the show from The Laugh Factory in Las Vegas, Nevada to talk about his previously wasted life, his ideas to help unionize the Nudie Card Slappers of America and explain the benefits of gun violence. The Tommy Lama can be seen, enlightening the masses at The Laugh Factory inside the Tropicana Hotel and Casino on The Strip in Las Vegas, Thursday through Monday.

Also, Matt has his first kid, Sam eviscerates a Sierra Nevada seasonal beer and Stupid/Drunken news takes us to Paris, Arkansas. 

Follow The Tommy Lama on Twitter @ TommySavitt and visit his website www.tommylama.com/

Follow Sam on Twitter @ Tigerclawmedy and get all of his tour dates at www.predictablydrunk.com/

 

Subscribe to the show on Itunes, Facebook, and Stitcher Radio and MAKE SURE TO RATE US!

 

 

 

burn2

Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me.

Not My Proudest Moment: Dog Penis Red

More than half a decade ago, a friend decided to ruin his life and marry a woman he was madly in love with. As his friend, and someone who was coming off of yet, another, failed relationship, I felt it was my duty to inform him of the colossal mistake he was about to make. But then he invited me to go to his bachelor party in Las Vegas, and all I could do was wish the happy couple all the best with their lovely nuptials and humbly accept this invitation to participate in what can only be described as, a lecherous shit show.

A few weeks prior to the actual party, the invitees that accepted, met up to discuss the logistics of the entire trip. You know, important stuff like:

Should we fly? Where should we stay? Would there be strippers? Would there be midgets? Would there be midget strippers? And if so, how come those are twice the price of regular strippers…and regular midgets, for that matter?

67 Midget Stripper
Twice As Much As Regular Strippers.

Decisions were made (terrible, regretful decisions), plans were finalized and within a short matter of time, we were driving two car loads of 20-something year olds through the Mojave Desert, ready to drink beer, smoke cigarettes and rage long and hard enough to hopefully never remember it. After a fairly uneventful car ride from Northern California to Vegas, the crew settled into their respective adjoining rooms, cracked open our first bottles of booze, lit some cigarettes and started our descent into a dark, hazy mess of a weekend.

Now, having been a seasoned veteran of Las Vegas, even at the ripe old age of 27, I had come to realize that there are many strategies while drinking in Vegas. It is very much like how one approaches a cold swimming pool on a hot day. You can ease your way into a drunken stupor, tip-toeing your way through it while your body acclimates to the surrounding conditions and ultimately floating around, carefree like a baby deer on ice.

Or you can run full force towards it, bellowing out a battle cry that would make William Wallace cower in the corner and jump right in, getting to your final destination as quickly as possible. Both are perfectly acceptable practices, and ones that we have all employed from time to time, in various situations.

The problem is, of course, is that when applying this to an environment of 12 young males, all with their own ideas and strategies, it quickly devolves into a war zone inside the hotel room. Within hours, half of the guys were passed out on couches, balconies and beds. Piles of empty beer cans, liquor bottles and random food garbage became more and more prominent.It had looked like we had been there for days, not hours. And the worst part about it, was that this was only half of us. The ones that stayed behind to “relax” in the room after a long desert drive.

The other half? They were in the casino, winning mini-fortunes and losing 401Ks. By the time they burned off their collective energies out on the strip and ready for a break, the aforementioned hotel dwellers were ready to saddle up and ride out. This pattern of behavior continued for about two more cycles of 12 hour shifts before the entire house of party cards came crashing down on all of us. Two days later, it was Friday morning, and everyone was unconscious.

Everyone, of course, except me.

Having strategically passed out on the balcony the night before, I was easily awakened by the clear stench of Vegas failure that permeates the pathetic day time atmosphere in Sin City. Having slept through a wine and vodka hangover, and feeling refreshed from my telephone book pillow, I went inside to survey the damage and check to make sure that everyone was accounted for, and more importantly…breathing.

With those responsibilities out of the way, I joyfully asked who wanted to go down to the MGM Grand’s pool with me to drink beer, look at girls and revel in our depravity. Once the cussing, and bottle throwing ended, I decided that I would just go by myself. After all, it was early, so I understood their drunken reluctance to join. And besides, if I got down there now, I could reserve a nice spot by the pool for when the rest decided to come down. It was a brilliant plan. A genius plan. A “nothing can go wrong with this” type of plan.

Except it went wrong. It went very, very wrong.

Having underestimated the tax I had levied on my own system from the two days prior, and combining that with an over estimation as to what I could realistically consume into my body going forward, I ended up with results more disastrous than Charlie Sheen’s latest blood work. I ordered a dozen beers (which I think equated to about $549 for the poor bastard whose room number I used), grabbed a towel and a beach chair and plopped my drunken, pasty self, smack dab in the middle of Satan’s asshole, also known as the Las Vegas sun.

I popped open my first beer, piggishly ogled women and thought to myself as I laid back in the chair, “this…is perfect.”

The next thing I remember was hearing my name over and over again and waking up and not being able to move. My friend Josh was hovering over me, genuine concern dripping off of his face.

“Sam, are you ok?”, he asked.

“I am fine, why?”, I replied

Josh continued, “You don’t look too good. How long have you been out here?”

“Not too long, Pool opened at 9 A.M. so maybe what…30 minutes? How come I can’t move?”, I asked.

Josh’s face contorted into a horrendous grimace as he got ready to break the news.

“Dude…it is two in the afternoon. You have been sitting in this spot, directly in the sun since nine? Your skin is TOAST”

Having started to come back to reality, I look around and see that there are now 10 closed beers, floating in boiling water that used to be ice, next to chair I was laying in and the reason I couldn’t move was due to my skin being baked like the top layer of cheese on a lasagna dish and stuck to the plastic of the chair.

I responded, “Two in the afternoon? Are you sure? Ouch, fuck…help me up.”

“Shit Sam, I think we have to take you to the hospital. I am serious.”

“Fuck you, Josh. No hospital. This is your fault. If you could handle your liquor better, you would have come down with me this morning instead of being passed out like a little girl and all of this would have been avoided.”

Josh immediately decides to open hand slap my chest and give his best Ric Flair impression by shouting “Woooooo!” while he does it.

flair_lethal
Woooooooo!

Some douche bags at the pool respond back with the same chant (side note: fuck pro wrestling fans and their retarded chants that they insist on responding to at any and all venues and times), and I am officially alarmed for my health.

At this point, I can feel my skin cracking on my chest.I packed up my sweltering hot beer, gently placed a towel over my shoulders, and shamefully, and painfully, shuffled back to the room to try and salvaged whatever parts of my epidermis that I could.

Thankfully when I finally arrived back at the suite, most of the guys were out doing their thing, with only one person in the room.

“Holy shit!” James said, “I have never seen that color red before!”

“Shut up,” was all I could muster up in response.

“The only other time I have ever seen that color red was my dog’s penis. Dude, you are dog penis red!” exclaimed James.

“I am surprised you were able to see your dog’s penis color with it constantly in your mouth, you piece of shit. Now shut up and give me a cold beer. I refuse to be sober for the rest of this trip. I don;t want to feel any of this,” I replied.

“Whatever you say…dog penis red. Now smile for the camera.”

And thus…a picture was taken and a nickname was born.

 

/Tigerclaw

AKA

/Dog Penis Red

 

 

 

mikeygarrest

Professional Wrestler and Stand-Up Comedian, Mikey G (AKA Sea Bass) joined the show to explain his recent arrest in St. Louis at The Funny Bone. During this leg of his national comedy tour, the Cotton Mouth Comedy Tour, Mikey found himself in his hometown of St. Louis, Missouri. While headlining the local comedy club for friends, family and fans, an incident broke out that ended with Mikey G behind bars. In addition, Mikey discusses his pro wrestling career and lets us know when to be concerned about blood loss while battling in the squared circle.

Plus, Matt and Sam review Pick Six Pilsner by Pizza Port Brewing Company, as well as Denogginizer by Drake’s Brewing Company.

And in Stupid/Drunken News, Germany now has underground pipes to pump beer from the brewery, directly to the bottling plant. European ingenuity at its finest!

For Mikey G’s comedy and wrestling events,  visit his website at www.comedysuplex.com

For more information on Pizza Port Brewing Co. visit their website at http://www.pizzaport.com/

For more information on Drake’s Brewing Co. visit their website at http://drinkdrakes.com/

The Stupid/Drunken News story about the beer pipeline can be found at https://www.yahoo.com/news/beer-flow-city-belgian-pipe-dream-comes-true-101641047.html

Like Predictably Drunk on facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Visit our website at www.PredictablyDrunk.com

Follow Sam on Twitter  @Tigerclawmedy

 

 

 

PDQuentin

This week Sam and Matt discuss the best and worst movies of Hollywood Director, Quentin Tarantino. From groundbreaking films to forgettable westerns, the world famous movie maker has dipped his toes into many movie genres with varying degrees of success. Find out what hit film of his made it on the worst list!

Plus, the guys review the beers “Optimator” by Spaten and “9 To 5 Pale Ale” by Working Man Brewing Company.

And in a new segment called, “Stupid/Drunken News”, Matt and Sam talk about the 5-second rule after a recent article on the topic dropped onto the internet floor (don’t worry, we picked it up in four seconds). Read all about it here.

 

 

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @PredictablyDrunk

Like us on Facebook @PredictablyDrunkPodcast.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

Subscribe to us on ITUNES and RATE AND REVIEW US!

For more information on Spaten go to their website: http://www.spatenbeer.com/

For more information on Working Man Brewing Company, go to their website: http://workingmanbrewing.com/

Sam and Matt trade drunken stories of yesteryear. From throwing up in taxi cabs, to peeing in bushes. And which one of the two of them jumped out of a hotel window without ever spilling a drop of his beer? Find out in this week’s episode of Predictably Drunk: Smart People Talking About Stupid Things.

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @Predictably Drunk, on Facebook @Predictably Drunk and http://www.PredictablyDrunk.com

Subscribe to Predictably Drunk on iTunes and RATE AND REVIEW the show! Do that by going here:  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/predictably-drunk/id964905672?mt=2

 

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy.

 

 

 

Matt discusses his road rage issues from yesteryear and swears that he has changed his ways, while sharing stories that clearly shoe that he has not. Additionally, Sam reveals that he one got into a road rage victim that involved high speeds, barbecue beef sandwiches and little kids. Plus, Sam hates the 555 area code that is used in movies, Matt forgets that our announcer, Ross Baker, exists, and more.

Follow us on Instagram @ PredictablyDrunk

Follow Sam on Twitter @ Tigerclawmedy

For the complete podcast catalog and additional information, visit www.predictablydrunk.com

Subscribe to us on Itunes and RATE AND REVIEW THE SHOW here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/predictably-drunk/id964905672?mt=2

 

 

 

 

Sam is on the road…literally. Recording from his car with fellow comedian, Pete Munoz, Predictably Drunk is driving to it’s latest gig and talking to Pete about his start in comedy, being a Spurs fan living in Warriors country, the strangest comedy gigs he has ever gotten and his propensity to fight with his comedy brethren on social media.

The San Jose born and raised comic is the poster boy for the South Bay comedy scene. Hitting mics 7 nights a week, Pete brings his witty riffing and improv style that cannot be matched.

Follow Pete Munoz on Twitter @ PtrMunoz

Follow Sam on Twitter @Tigerclawmedy

For comedy tour dates and podcast news, visit www.PredictablyDrunk.com

Follow us on Instagram @ PredictablyDrunk

Subscribe on iTunes and RATE THE SHOW! Do that by clicking here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/predictably-drunk/id964905672?mt=2

 


 

 

Mario The Butcher sits down to talk to Sam before a recent comedy show. An extremely honest and candid interview where Mario talks about his struggles with drinking, the hardest part about being homeless and getting in trouble in the military. We also discuss his successful comedy career, getting out of speeding tickets and of course, having the coolest nickname ever.

Follow Mario on Twitter at @MarioMontes65

Follow Sam on Twitter at @Tigerclawmedy

For all of Sam’s tour dates, go to https://sammarcoux.com/

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @Predictablydrunk

Subscribe to us on Itunes, keyword Predictably Drunk, and RANK US!

 

 

 

 

Predictably Drunk has reached 50 episodes! And what better way to celebrate this minor achievement than to make you listen to some of the highlights from the first 49, right? Right. From musical guests to porn stars and a ton of comics, the podcast has been a lot of fun to produce, and listen to.

Follow Predictably Drunk on Instagram @ PredictablyDrunk

Get the entire catalog on PredictablyDrunk.com

Subscribe and RATE US ON ITUNES!

 

 

Sam and Matt discuss some of the unwritten rules of comedy. In other word,s the nonsense rules that people are too lazy to write down and post somewhere in the club for aspiring comedians to read and learn. Listen and learn what the number one unwritten rule of comedy is, and how to easily avoid it. Plus, if you think running the light isn’t a big deal, find out why you are dead wrong.

 

In addition, Matt can’t pronounce, or spell, Lagunitas correctly, despite the label of the beer being directly in front of him while we podcast. Ross Baker gets his verbal beatdown from your Predictably Drunk Heroes, and more! Not much more…but some…okay, very little else, but whatever. Just listen and enjoy.

Subscribe to us in Itunes and Stitcher Radio and RATE US! Find the entire catalog on http://www.PredictablyDrunk.com

Follow Sam on Twitter at @Tigerclawmedy or go to http://www.SamMarcoux.com for information on upcoming tour dates.

 

 

 

Sam and Matt trade drunken stories of their past. Which one of us has a propensity for stripping down to our boxers and walking around in public? Was it Sam or Matt that had a naked man throw up all over them? Plus, drunken time traveling, random photos of people in our phone and Matt has an abundance of broken clocks in his home.

Follow Sam on TwitterFacebookInstagram, and Youtube.

Follow Predictably Drunk on FacebookInstagram, and PredictablyDrunk.com

Follow Matt…at your own risk.

Subscribe on iTunes and RATE THE PODCAST!

 

 

Sam discusses being recognized by people from his professional wrestling days while doing comedy. Additionally, Sam discusses the weirdest things that have happened to him once he has been recognized by fans on the street. Matt reminisces about his high school backyard wrestling federation and how he almost accidentally killed his friend by throwing him off the roof of his house.

Sam also gives tips about how to properly dispense the beer from your growler, Matt wonders aloud what a meeting between Sam and his biological father might be like and Matt calls Sam old in creative and mean ways.

 


 

Follow Sam on TwitterFacebookInstagram, and Youtube.

Follow Matt…at your own risk.

Also check out SamMarcoux.com for the latest on tour dates and other weird stuff.

Music by: Koma

Sam and Matt take on the ultimate nerd debate and finally settle which franchise is better: Star Wars or Star Trek? Plus, Matt talks about going to film festivals, Sam mocks Matt’s musical tastes and of course, beer. Lots and lots of beer.

Follow Sam on TwitterFacebook and Instagram. You can also visit his website at www.SamMarcoux.com for all of his comedy dates.

Follow Predictably Drunk: The Podcast on Facebook, and Instagram.

Please do not follow Matt. He gets sweaty and nervous.

Music By: Koma

 

 

 

 

2015 is coming to an end, but not before one last episode of Predictably Drunk is brewed! Sam discusses his recent troubles with a certain corporate pizza chain, getting his bank accounts hacked and experiencing his first Comedy Roast Battle, which is the new, hot trend in stand-up comedy.

In addition, Sam introduces his new, permanent co-host in what might be, the least amount of fan fare possible. Matt Somerville joins Sam to discuss his new role on the show, drink copious amounts of beer and give his perspective on all things within the entertainment industry.

Follow Sam on Twitter, friend Sam on Facebook, and keep up with all of the show happenings on Instagram.

You can also check out Sam’s Comedy Tour Dates at http://www.SamMarcoux.com.

You can follow Matt Somerville…walking to his car.

Music by: Koma

 

 

 

Predictably Drunk is back with a new episode recapping the recent Reno, Nevada trip. Sam talks about experiencing Reno during the MASSIVE Zombie Pub Crawl that was going on. Additionally, Sam discusses the time warp that is Carson City and avoids breaking up a fight between a hipster and a dead cowboy in the lobby of the comedy club after his show.

 

Follow Sam on twitter at:

http://www.twitter.com/Tigerclawmedy

Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/sam.marcoux

Instagram:

http://www.instagram.com/PredictablyDrunk

and check his website for all tour dates, pictures and information

http://www.SamMarcoux.com

Predictably Drunk: The Podcast can be found on iTunes, Stitcher and podcast aggregates all over the web. Be sure to subscribe and tune in weekly for new episodes.

Me looking rather annoyed by the zombies
Me looking rather annoyed by the zombies

 

 

 

 

Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me.

Not My Proudest Moment: The First Date Fart

They say you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. Which, if true, really sucks when your first impression is literally a shitty one. A few years back, I met a girl at a bar, bought her a few drinks, and mustered up enough liquid courage to ask for her number AND ask her on a date. To my drunken surprise, she agreed to both. To my hung over surprise the next morning, the number she gave me turned out to be real and better yet, she responded to my texts.

A week or so of texting, flirting and awful jokes (hers not mine. My jokes are brilliant), and our first date was upon us. I dressed up in my best ripped jeans and slightly wrinkled shirt and sped off to buy some beer and condoms (I am a gentlemen, after all). Strangely enough, she had me pick her up at her friend’s house. Which signaled to me that either she was afraid I might be an ax murdering psycho but needed a second opinion, or that her friend did. Either way, I was charming enough to her stupid friend and got her out of the house and into the car. And the beginning of the first date fart seeds were planted.

Normally, when a man asks a women out on a date, it is assumed that he will pick the night’s festivities with little to no input from the woman (because after all, she is a girl and everyone knows that girls make stupid decisions, right?). And I assumed that this would be the case here, as well. Except that the lady in question was former military with combat experience, and as such, was extremely upfront and outspoken about what she wanted to do, eat and drink.

“Great,” I thought. “Less shit for me to worry about.”

Or so I thought.

Now, when on a first date, or in any situation where appearances and impressions mean a great deal, you have to tactfully weave yourself around the obstacles of your personality. If you are racist, for example, you don’t start the night blurting out the N-word and flipping off the Mexican cooks at the restaurant. You have to ease into your horrific personality with light-hearted humor jabs about Asians and the poor driving or how quip about how white man’s syphilis decimated the Native American population. You know, to test the waters with your first date mate and to see if she is of like mind.

Now, that is an extreme example, but I think you catch my drift. You have to try to highlight the better parts of your person, in an effort to impress the other participant in the date, essentially. Which means that if you know spicy food gives you gas, then you should probably avoid spicy foods like a Jewish person avoids Germany. And if you know that spicy food gives you gas, and your date requests you take her to Mexican food for your dinner, you should swallow your pride, turn around, and admit to you, and her, that this relationship will never, ever, work and drop her back off at her friend’s house. Except, of course, I didn’t take my own advice, and we went to eat the Hispanic devil food, and disaster started to rear it’s ugly head. Or at least gurgle it’s ugly stomach.

After pounding down an approximate four pound burrito that was covered in hot sauce, and washing it down with a tequila shot and a beer, my date left the dinner table impressed and ready for more. So I, like a gentlemen, walked us to my car, opened the car door and escorted her into the vehicle. I figured that this lent me the perfect opportunity to blow some ass while walking back to my side of the car. Except my body failed me at that moment in time and the fart that I held in through dinner, was now no where to be found.

“I’m doomed, ” I thought.

The night progressed to a bar where we proceeded to drink more than we should have and I proceeded to clench my ass cheeks together for longer than I should have. Last call came and went and I was now working on a personal best record for oppressing my natural bodily functions. But the night was close to done, and soon, once I dropped her off at her suspicious friend’s house, I could finally relieve myself of the 10 pound toxic bubble that was festering in my gut. Unfortunately for me, however, the night was just getting started.

“So I want to see your place now, ” she said, as we entered the vehicle once again. “My friend is asleep by now so I need to crash at your place anyway. But don’t expect sex. I am not that kind of girl.”

30 minutes later we had sex.

And during sex, I could do nothing but mentally tell myself to not fart while thrusting. It was so overwhelming this thought, that I almost forgot that I was in the middle of having sex with a woman on the first date. I mean seriously, I consider it an achievement worthy of putting on my work resume whenever I can trick a girl into boinking me, but typically, it takes longer than a first date, and considerably more booze. But here I was, boffing the hell out of this girl after a burrito and some beers, and instead of mentally high-fiving myself for such a stellar performance, I was riddled with guilt that my asshole might start whistling at any moment and destroy everything that ever was built by humanity.

Nonetheless, I finished my duty without any leakage of doody, and went to sleep immediately after, as did she. The next morning my stomach was bloated beyond belief and I decided to make the executive decision to wake her up and shovel her off my bed and into my car for an early morning walk of shame up her friend’s driveway. By this point, I was pretty much doubled over in pain and had tunnel vision. I ran through red lights, swerved in and out of lanes like a mad man and was generally concerned for my rotted intestines at this point. The poor girl must have thought she had done something wrong to be whisked away so quickly and recklessly like that, but I didn’t give a shit…which was literally the problem at the time, too.

I pulled up to her friend’s house, unlocked the door from the driver’s side (God bless power locks) and hastily gave her a kiss before thanking her for a lovely (pain filled) evening.

Confused and possibly a little hurt, she gathered her things and got out of the car. Looking like she wanted to ask what went wrong so quickly, but knowing that I wouldn’t answer, she reluctantly closed the car door behind her.

PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTsqueakTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!

It happened. It finally happened. A 13 hour built up fart. Clothes have been put on lay away at TJ Maxx for less time than I held onto that man-queef. With each passing rumble that dropped out of my ass, I couldn’t help the growing grin on my face. It slowly spread across my face like when scene in Dr. Seuss’s book where The Grinch devised his evil plan to steal Christmas. It was satisfying, evil and I couldn’t be happier for myself. The only thing that echoed the sound, was the stench that followed.

Thunder and lightning.

If only I had this sign in the car at the time...
If only I had this sign in the car at the time…

It was awful. Dogs were howling at the moon, during the day. Children wept and my car’s interior wrinkled and stretched. It was the fart to end all farts. And I didn’t care. I could no longer hold it in and the beauty of it was that I got away with it. No one would be the wiser to the atomic bomb that I just dropped.

For about seven seconds.

And that is when I heard the passenger door swing open followed by a female voice saying, “I forgot my purse.” She had returned to the car in the midst of the crescendo of the fart. I literally jumped to my left, crashing into my own car door, shrieked like a little girl who just had a spider jump on her and looked on in horror as my gassy, shit-trombone musical was now playing for an audience. With an interactive, immersive element to it as well, I might add. I watch as her face played out the entire range of human emotions in about two seconds as her brain began to process what the sounds and smells were that were now flooding her nostrils and ears. And I watched in dismay as she realized I had done everything short of shit my pants. And I realized, in this moment, that I would need to muster up the funniest comeback I could possibly think of, in order to salvage a second date. Something so amazing that she would have no choice but to overlook this episode and accept an invitation to another dating activity. So I rolled with my instincts and blurted out the first thing that popped into my head.

“Wow…was that you?”

The sound of the car door slamming and the sight of her running towards her friend’s front door were the last things I remember.

There was no second date.

 

/Tigerclaw

Did you know that IPAs are a chick drink? Neither did I until stunning new evidence emerged laying out the disturbing side effects of long term consumption of our favorite hoppy beverage. Plus, award winning musician Ed Roman stops by to discuss his father being knighted in France for being a good wine drinker, technologies effect on music, his time spent in Jamaica doing humanitarian work and Sam puts the Canadian citizen on the hot seat when he gives Ed the Naturalized Citizens Test that the U.S. Government issues to all hopeful new citizens.

Ed Roman is an Award-winning singer/songwriter, performer and multi-instrumentalist from Shelburne, Ontario, Canada.  Blurring the lines between pop, rock, folk, and country music genres, Ed’s uniquely crafted songs have received regular rotation on more than 100 terrestrial radio stations across North America.  Ed is a 2014 Artists Music Guild Award Nominee and a 2014 Artists In Music Award Nominee.  He is also a 2014 International Music and Entertainment Association Award Winner and a two-time Indie Music Channel Award winner. Ed has performed at the Red Gorilla Music Fest during SXSW, The Millennium Music Conference, and SS Cape May, and he will be touring New York City and Philly in July.

Recently, Ed traveled to Jamaica to deliver much-needed humanitarian aid to the island, while shooting the music video for “Jamaica.”  His current album, Letters From High Latitudes (an homage to his Ontario home) is a critically-acclaimed vehicle for Ed’s socio-political, earthly-conscious and globally-aware messages.  This earthy, funky and magical mix of music has earned Ed Roman airplay chart recognition and won over legions of fans around the world, known as “Ed Heads.”

Ed Roman can be reached at:

Ed Roman
Ed Roman

http://www.EdRoman.net

http://www.facebook.com/edromanmusic

http://www.twitter.com/specialedroman

http://www.youtube.com/specialedroman

Follow Sam at:

http://www.sammarcoux.com

http://www.facebook.com/sam.marcoux

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http://predictablydrunk.tumblr.com

Sam rides solo this week as his scheduled guest no showed twice which is appropriate given the week he had. From busted pants to spilled beer and everything else, in between. Sam also discusses his favorite India Pale Ales on the planet, disses the east coast in honor of Tupac Shakur and plugs his next comedy gig, Thursday, April 30th at Tommy T’s in Pleasanton, CA.

Plus the latest Best Worst Joke of The Week and more!

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http://www.SamMarcoux.com

Predictably Drunk welcomes Matt Somerville as the guest this week in an extended version of the show. Matt discusses working with Dane Cook, Harrison Ford, Halle Berry and many others of the Hollywood Elite. He also shares a hilarious story about meeting and working with Keanu Reeves.

Sam rants about the systemic problem of comedians, and shares his list of Hollywood starlets that he would love to have sex with. Find out who made the list and what fetish Matt reveals about himself. Plus, a new feature called, “Best Worst Joke of the Week,” and more!

pensive
pensive

Wrestlemania 31 is in the books, and Sam and Steve talk about the results, as well as the weirdness of wrestling fans, how hot the sun is and making friends with ‘roided out bodybuilders for the sake of their own safety.

http://www.SamMarcoux.com

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Subscribe on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/predictably-drunk-podcast/id964905672?mt=2


Largest handicap ramp I have ever seen
Largest handicap ramp I have ever seen

#PredictablyDrunk’s host, Sam Marcoux has his best friend of 21 years sit down and discuss his life as a Paramedic, as well as predicting the outcome of the main event for Wrestlemania 31. Also discussed is why he continues to play video games despite being an adult, and the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to him in the medical field (warning: graphic)

http://www.SamMarcoux.com

http://www.twitter.com/Tigerclawmedy

Tag Team Champions of the...County
Tag Team Champions of the…County

A MAGNUM edition of the podcast as Comedian Frankie Marcos sits down and discusses virtually everything for an hour with Sam. From how he got his start in comedy, to his New York City debut, to racial jokes and finally settling the lawsuit debate between two major California breweries with a good old fashion taste test and a LOT more.

Sam discusses the horrors of traveling with small children, why his sister’s boobs are thieves and how an argument over a fake handicap parking spot left him with a new nickname (retard face) and Sam’s latest dilemma…Sacagawea Dollars

Follow Frankie At: http://www.GoFrankYourself.net

Twitter: https://twitter.com/I_Am_Frankie_M

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/frankie.marcos.1

Follow me at: http://www.SamMarcoux.com

Twitter:https://twitter.com/TigerClawmedy

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sam.marcoux and https://www.facebook.com/PredictablyDrunkPodcast

Franking Each Other
Franking Each Other

A LIVE recording on stage at The Comedy U Show at Anna O’Brien’s in Honolulu, Hawaii with special guest, Comedian Patrick Tyrrell. Patrick and Sam the Hawaii comedy scene, his work to raise funds for pediatric cancer, Sam ponders who designed the layout of Honolulu as a city (no parking!) and Patrick fixes the New York Yankees while Sam tears the San Francisco Giants and Boston Red Sox fans for being the ass hats they truly are.

https://www.stbaldricks.org/teams/mypage/95309/2015

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PatrickPD

Abel Jaramillo is back for a third consecutive appearance. He simply won’t leave! But since he is here, we discusses why he pukes before every set, how to deal with hecklers, The ridiculousness of B.J. Upton changing his name to Melvin and what I would need to do to get into Abel’s motorbike gang.

 

 

This is how he sat for the entire episode
This is how he sat for the entire episode

And we’re back with Abel Jaramillo as our guest, once again. Sam and Abel discuss what young comedians they like best, Abel’s first time doing comedy, Sam’s penchant for getting guy’s phone numbers after gigs, as well as Abel’s real favorite beer, Sam’s sister’s favorite comedian (Abel) and Abel’s idea on how to fix The Miami Dolphins. Plus, Sam blasts Abel for running the light by EIGHT minutes one night at a comedy club.

 

 

Check out Abel Jaramillo on Friday April 17th @ Swiss Park in Newark, CA for the “420 Comedy Joke Out.”

Check out Sam on Saturday, March 14th in Honolulu, Hawaii as part of the “Fresh Funnies” Show @ Cafe Fresh Downtown, and on Wednesday, March 18th @ Anna O’Brien’s in Honolulu, Hawaii.

http://www.sammarcoux.com

http://www.twitter.com/tigerclawmedy

http://www.instagram.com/predictablydrunk

 

 

 

Sam’s daughter is sick. Like REALLY sick. To the point where she turned his house into an indoor swimming pool of germs. In addition, Sam reads and responds to his first batch of hate mail with “Letters From PD-Philes,” announces future guests hosts and manages to irritate IPA fanboys everywhere by comparing Double IPAs to the desperate bar hags you settle on when the bar is closing down.

 

#PredictablyDrunk has officially shed its webcast skin and morphed into a disgusting, audio night moth. The first episode is up and running. Sam discusses the reasoning behind starting this venture, as well as why his real name sucks, why changing his name made it worse, and why guys love telling drunken stories about themselves, even if it shows them in a negative light.

Plus, the Beer Of The Week and more.