10 Things I Think I Think

10. Coffee is infinitely better than tea. People who say otherwise are either British, or liars. Either way, they are assholes.

9. Midwest people can shut the fuck up about how Californians don’t know “real,” cold weather. Yes we do. 50 degrees is plenty cold. Don’t swing your frozen dick at us just because that very degree is your summer high. It isn’t our fault you live in a shitty, frostbitten flyover state, you hillbillies.

Suck it, Lion!

8. A lion would beat a bear in a wrestling contest, but I am fairly certain that a bear would own that same lion in a bicycle race.

7. Packing peanuts and Lucky Charms marshmallows are the same exact material. One has the benefit of food coloring

6. I spend entirely too much time wondering if The Easter Bunny gives out candy for Halloween.

5. Rural is the hardest word in the English language for me to say. I end up almost stroking out and drooling on everything. At least one “R” needs to be placed elsewhere within that word.

4. Four is my least favorite number in the top 10. It’s an ugly assed number

3. If you name your son Brodie, you have only yourself to blame if and when he is constantly being punched in the face.

2. Midol > Excedrin > Aleve > Tylenol > Advil > Generic Ibuprofen

1. Top 10 lists are dumb.

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