Summer Re-Runs: The Infamous Steakhouse Conversation


The following conversation took place on Monday, July 27th at roughly 9:45 P.M. It took place at a restaurant/bar in Discovery Bay, California between myself and someone I consider family. You may not find it hilarious, but I thought the whole scene was a riot. We pick it up halfway through the topic of my inablity to treat women like objects…

SM: I am just mad that you were right. More than anything else, that is what cheeses my dick the most.

SC: Yep. See, I know what I am talking about on this subject. You can’t expect to marry every girl you talk too. Ugh, why would you want to?

SM: I know. I’m just a relationship guy I guess. Always have been, always will be. Fucking sucks sometimes.

SC: You know what your problem is? You are too nice to these girls. You’ve got to be more like me. Be mean to them. Play hard to get, just don’t give a fuck about them for awhile. You shouldn’t be pursuing relationships right now anyways, you retard.

SM: I suppose so…our waitress is pretty cute.

SC: Perfect, you should have sex with her

SM: But…we’re not even married (sarcastically)

SC: …this is why I hate you sometimes.

SM: When she comes around I’ll talk her up.

SC: If you don’t, I will.

SM: Screw you cocksnot, let me have one for once.

Waitress: Anything else I can do for you? Want me to turn your empty into a full again (winks and smiles at me)

SM: Sure. Hey, who wins in a fight? Superman or Batman?

Waitress (looking confused): Uhm…I don’t know…Superman?

SC: Uh oh

SM (barely containing his rage): See, this is what I am talking about. You know absolutely nothing do you? It is impossible to be your age knowing so little. Why on earth would you possibly pick Superman? Did someone throw a bucket of stupid over your head or something?

Waitress (looking shocked): Well, since I obviously know nothing, I think I am done here. I will go get your check.

SM: I wonder if she brings me my beer…

SC: Okay, so that was TOO mean. We can’t come back here now. They will spit in our food.

SM: Really? I thought it went well, I was just about to ask her for her number. The food sucks here anyway.

SC: I’ll be outside.

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