Food is awesome. But some foods are not awesome. The following is a list of the less than stellar bags of chips I have had the displeasure of trying. 5: Lay’s Original BBQ Too much flavoring and way too greasy. Grabbing a handful of chips out of the bag shouldn’t feel like you shoved your hand up a pig’s ass and parading it around like a … Continue reading The Five Worst Bags Of Chips On Planet Earth
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest … Continue reading Not My Proudest Moment: Dog Penis Red
As the creator, editor, producer and host of the popular podcast, “Predictably Drunk”, I often get requests from people looking to start their own podcast, on how to get started. What equipment do they need, how do they upload it to iTunes and how long until they can retire from their day jobs do to the sheer amount of revenue your podcast will undoubtedly bring … Continue reading Starting A Podcast AKA So, You Have Decided To Talk To Yourself (Part One)
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest … Continue reading The First Date Fart
To most, the image in this post is instantly recognizable as the symbol for the Wu-Tang Clan. The popular rap group from the 90’s. The image may make you think of Method Man, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, RZA, or any of the seemingly endless members of of the group. But if you grew up in Dublin, California in the mid-to-late 90’s, that image makes you think of … Continue reading Too Much Fun – Saying Goodbye to Sheldon Salamanca
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest … Continue reading The Night I Shomited
My daughter rarely throws up. She leaks snot like crazy and drools like a St. Bernard, but puking? Not really her thing. So it came with a tad bit of concern that she had thrown up twice in one week, a few days a part, while battling what appeared to be, a common cold. And I stress the word, tad. At least on my end. Her … Continue reading The 4th Of July Emergency Room Story
Doing stand-up comedy is relatively new for me. For the most part, it has been an extremely fun experience. After all, who wouldn’t like to hang out with other funny people, suck down adult beverages and get paid to tell fart jokes? And while the process of writing and performing jokes for other people’s entertainment is fun, it also leads to some of the most … Continue reading Five Things NOT To Say To A Comedian
10. Coffee is infinitely better than tea. People who say otherwise are either British, or liars. Either way, they are assholes. 9. Midwest people can shut the fuck up about how Californians don’t know “real,” cold weather. Yes we do. 50 degrees is plenty cold. Don’t swing your frozen dick at us just because that very degree is your summer high. It isn’t our fault … Continue reading 10 Things I Think I Think
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest … Continue reading Bombs Away
As a man, there are certain life moments that occur that graduate you from a boy, to a man. Learning how to shave, earning your driver’s license, graduating high school/college and of course the big one, convincing a girl to let you boink her. But a startling omission from the aforementioned list, is the ability to use a public urinal correctly. Up until now, I … Continue reading Five Lessons For Using A Public Urinal
I know. I get it. No really, I do. Hell, up until about a month ago, I was one of you. But the kid squirted out, your friend doesn’t respond to you as quickly as they used to and you are left with more time on your hands and a serious case of the “you’ve changed,” blues. And the cold hard truth is, they have changed. They now … Continue reading Five Lessons For Friends of Friends Who Have Kids
“You are having a kid? Man, your life is never going to be the same again!” All new parents get told this. The problem is, we all know that our lives are going to change but no one tells us how it will change. It’s as if veteran mothers and fathers like to haze us rookies by telling us what we already know while keeping … Continue reading Five Lessons for New Parents
I went to a funeral this week for a man I have known for 25 years or so. A man who fathered four daughters that I consider to be family and who consider me the same. As I sat at the service and listened to a song that will now forever be sad, with my mother crying on my right shoulder, the mother of my … Continue reading Bobbing Out: Saying Goodbye
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest Moment: … Continue reading Horsing Around with Pokey
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest Moment: … Continue reading The Subtle Mugging Skills of a City Hobo
The following conversation took place on Monday, July 27th at roughly 9:45 P.M. It took place at a restaurant/bar in Discovery Bay, California between myself and someone I consider family. You may not find it hilarious, but I thought the whole scene was a riot. We pick it up halfway through the topic of my inablity to treat women like objects… SM: I am … Continue reading Summer Re-Runs: The Infamous Steakhouse Conversation
As I sit here on my couch, realizing that we are all on the cusp of joining the last day of the first month of the supposed last year of our planet, I can’t help but think that I might have to forget about sticking to my 2011 resolutions, and perhaps update and upgrade to the 2012 model. While, for the most part, I continue … Continue reading Resolving to Correct My Resolutions
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. The Butterfly Effect Acrophobia: … Continue reading The Butterfly Effect
7:28 P.M.-I am awoken from my hour long nap on my couch by a text from my best friend. The text consists of pictures of cigarettes, guns, alcohol and naked girls with a simple one word question…”Vegas?” 7:28-8:12 P.M.-Facebook trolling, Pandora Radio is turned on. After three songs, an advertisement for Trader Joe’s interrupts the music. I’m fucking starving. 8:15 P.M.- Sifting through my … Continue reading Winsomnia: The Timeline of a Sleepless Friday Night
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. The Impromptu Waterbed Part … Continue reading The Impromptu Waterbed Part 2
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest Moment: … Continue reading The Impromptu Waterbed part 1
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. Not My Proudest Moment: … Continue reading Attack of the Zombie Bum
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about it. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which, far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. The Inadvertent Invasion of … Continue reading The Inadvertent Invasion of the Women’s Room Story
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about the aftermath. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which far outweigh the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. The Propane Tank … Continue reading The Propane Tank Fight (or the most drunk I have ever been)
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about the aftermath. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me.
The Time I accidentally Dated a Dude
When you have been in a relationship for a very long time, you tend to lose touch with the dating game (or at least you should). So when the relationship kersplodes into the pile of crap it inevitably is doomed to be and one is thrust back into the dating scene, it can be quite daunting. Afterall, what the fuck are the rules? Can you simply walk up and grab a girl’s boobs (the answer is no)? Can you buy them drinks until you are blurry enough to go home with (sometimes)? And how do you know when someone is coming on to you, into you or simply just being nice?
All of this and more can lead to some pretty confusing and embarrassing situations if and when you read a situation the wrong way. Luckily for me, I am way too shallow to worry for too long, and typically way to drunk to even remember most dating mishaps. But every now and then, a misstep is so great, so…momentous, that no booze in the world can erase the brain of it. This is one of those times.
When I lived in San Ramon, California, I would frequent a sports bar in Dublin call “Buffalo Wild Wings,” quite a bit. The beer was cold, the sports were always on and, well, the women were fairly easy. Or at least dressed as such. Over time, I got used to eating and drinking by myself and was actually quite comfortable sitting at the bar and making new friends that I loved by the end of the night (on account of being a happy drunk), and couldn’t give two shits about in the morning (on account of being an angry sober). Life, at that moment, was pretty fun.
Then, one night, I happened to be seated at the bar watching an NBA game, when a guy about my age asked if the seat next to me was taken. Knowing that there were a few other places available at the bar that weren’t practically on my lap, I decided to take the high road and not tell him to fuck off. As he sat there and ordered whatever drink he ordered, he started to ask me about the game. I let him know the score as well as the overall flow of it and he was surprisingly up to speed with his sports knowledge.
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about the aftermath. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which far outweighs the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. The Time I Broke … Continue reading The Time I Broke My Ass
Through all the years of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am good for two things: Getting myself into awful situations, and living to tell about the aftermath. Some of these involve alcohol, some involve medications, but ALL of them include my general dumbassery which far outweigh the effects of anything else. These are the stories. Don’t judge me. The Hotel Toilet Affair … Continue reading The Hotel Toilet Affair
Sometimes in life, you just realize that certain things about you suck. For me, one of those things is my name. Continue reading What’s In A Name?
Sam Marcoux 